Drinking and meds

I stopped taking my meds every night because I like drinking too much. Too often am I sick of being sober and am looking for a brief escape from real life. I don’t like being sober, it’s depressing. As much as I hate life and don’t want to be here I’d rather not go out by mixing my meds and alcohol…unless that’s the way I chose.

I’ve gotten lazy and out of shape. I’ve gained weight and I hate it. I have to start working out. I’ve put on 20lbs recently. That’s a no go for me. Something else has to change.


“I’m fine”


I wish I was fine, that I wasn’t me. But I am me, and i’m not fine..i’m anything but fine. Alcohol chases away the demons that tease me with a knife. The creatures that make suicide look so fucking easy…that make it look like suicide is the only path I have.

I wish you were here with me..or I with you…I need you..and you aren’t here..