In my time of need

I know I told you that I’d keep you updated on my meds and I haven’t been. Well, it’s changed a lot but I think we’ve finally found something that is working. I’m on 300 mg of Lithium and 2 mg of Abilify.

I had an appointment last week and normally he wants me to come back in within 2 or 3 weeks but this time he said it can wait 6 weeks. He thinks that I’m getting better. I don’t really feel better, but if he sees an improvement then there might be one. He told  me that if anything comes up then we don’t have to wait the 6 weeks, so we’ll see.

Apparently I have effective schizophrenia, but its just early stages and can be dealt with. I was told that there’s no way of knowing whether or not it will get worse but it’s good we got to it as early as we did. I’m kinda worried about it, but it is what it is.

I hope I can finally get away from this me. I want to know what it’s like to be with my friends and not think about things like suicide. I don’t actually think this me will ever go away. He’ll always be there, waiting for a slip up or a crack in the wall. He’s not gone yet, in fact…I’m not even sure if I’m him still or not, but one day I hope to be better. I want to be better but I don’t think I can be.

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