50 to 100

 

I had a doctors appointment today with a new doctor. I had to switch because my previous doctor was leaving, so it was forced upon me :/. The change sucked and I have to get used to another person, who I am not yet comfortable with.

He upped my dosage from 50mg to 100mg and told me that if this dosage doesn’t work he’s switching my medicine. I’m not really excited about a med switch, but if it has to happen then so be it I guess. He also put me on Trazodone to help me sleep during the nights that I can’t.

My sleep pattern has been all over the place. I’ll either fall asleep at 5 and wake up at 9 or sleep from 1am to 1pm and then still nap for nearly 2 hours. When I was on 50mg of the zoloft my nights were awful. Every night it felt like I was so far away from any other person, like I was so alone. No matter what happened through the day my nights have been just pure shit.

I’m trying to do more. Look for a job, talk to friends, just get up and go for a walk, but I just can’t sometimes. I feel weighed down most days, not feeling like myself.

 

I miss being happy, feeling good about things…smiling. Am I able to be me again? Through these medications and hopes that they’ll work? 

I think what I miss the most, is being me. 

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