Mom I’m So Sorry

I couldn’t have said this any better. I hate who I am. I feel like such a disappointment to my parents. Thank you, Yeti. You are not alone, my friend.

The Yeti Talks

Hey Mom. It’s been a while since we had a heart to heart. I just wanted to tell you how much I really love you. I admire everything about you, and will forever look up to you. That being said, I’m so sorry for who I am.

I know I shouldn’t be. You think I’m awesome, but it’s just not true. I’m not here. I’m physically here, but my spirit is long gone and many generations forgotten. It is so hard to go on. I look at myself with a hatred that I haven’t seen in a long time. My fingers are shaking while I type this.

Mom I’m sorry that I haven’t gone to college yet. It’s so damn expensive. It’s so hard for me to imagine a future blocked by thousands and thousands of dollars that are so unobtainable for me. It’s this wall that is so hard…

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Depression

 

I know I haven’t posted anything in awhile..again. Same ol’ same ol’ I guess. I’ve just been drawing a complete blank on anything to write about. I haven’t been “me” lately though. Things started to cloud up. I was hurting people, my best friend..and now our friendship is hurt..so I decided it was time to give the doctor a call, 2 months after they tell me “we’ll give you a call in 3-4 weeks”. I figured 2 months was long enough to wait. I called in to find that they had completely forgotten about me. They scheduled me an appointment for the next day.

After talking with my new doctor I was told that I have an “extreme case of depression”. I have already been on two different medication in the past few days. The first gave me a migraine that lasted all day, the next day I was told to stop taking it. So far what I’m on now seems to be ok, but it’s only been two days, so I’m not sure how it will effect me yet.

I’ve never been on any medication like this before, so I almost feel weird for needing it, like it’s not normal for me to need something for help. I know that I’m not alone, but I almost can’t help but feel that way.

I’ve known for a long time that I was depressed, but to hear it from a doctor and to be prescribed medication is completely different than just knowing in your gut that you have a problem. I’ve been telling you guys for how long that I have a problem, but now to actually KNOW that there is a problem, an “extreme” problem, is almost overwhelming.

I’d like to start posting more often again. I guess now I can keep my blog updated with how the medication and what not is unfolding. I also need to start drawing more. So maybe I’ll put up more drawings in the near future? Not sure. If you want me to do more drawings then let me know.

 

Oh, WordPress, I hate this new set up you have now. I don’t like the new post area at all…or you know..any of it. Oh well, just another thing on the “Shitty things I have no control over” list.