I’m sorry that it’s been so long since my last post. I haven’t internet for the past month. The last thing I remember telling you about where I am, I said I had a doctors appointment.
Well, I went to said appointment…but it wasn’t what I thought it was going to be. I thought I was going to start getting help. They asked about general information, insurance information, what I think the problem is. If I knew what the problem was, why the hell would I have been sitting in that office with you? Little, typical questions that meant nothing. I had to fill out a questionnaire before going in, all of the questions I was asked in person were asked on the questionnaire. I get that you want to see if I’m not making it up or anything, but as more questions dammit. Don’t make it so obvious to me that you are trying as little as you possibly can to help me. At the end of the appointment I’m told “Ok, we’ll call you in 3-4 weeks to see the doctor.” What?…I wanted to get help now…not in a month. It’s a good thing that my life didn’t depend on that appointment, because I’d be dead.

Well, here I am, over 4 weeks later and still no call. Not a letter in the mail. Nothing. I thought I was doing something right. I felt good about myself for seeking help. For understanding that there was a problem. Now I feel unimportant, forgotten, like my problems aren’t as serious as I thought they might be. I was given a number to call in case I was feeling suicidal again. I’ve been wanting to call it and ask if they planned on scheduling me for another time or if they were just seeing how long I could hack it.

I moved to a new house, still with my dad, step mom, brother and sister, but it’s still new. I hate this place. My neighbor has a 16 year old daughter who, I’m convinced, is a pathological liar. She is constantly searching for attention, and when she doesn’t get the attention she wants, she tries to get that person in trouble with lies. I immediately didn’t like her, but she was coming over to hang out with my younger brother (he’s 17), so I dealt with her. When she started to realize that I hated the fuck out of her, she lied to my dad and make fake messages from me. Saying that I threatened her life and that I have military experience so I could kill her. What? No one in the military who has any respect for what they are will never ever say anything like that. It was easy to dismiss though, no one believed her and she quickly proved to be a liar. She didn’t stop at one time though. She would constantly tell my dad that I said thing that I didn’t, blah blah blah. I’m 20 years old, why would I care enough to even say anything to her? It went far enough one day that she hurt herself and said that I did it. Do you know how psycho that is? I’m trying to deal with my own head, I don’t need her making my life worse and for the last several months I’ve been on edge. I just don’t understand why he is even allowed over here anymore when my dad knows everything that she does. I just don’t understand.

I’m ranting…and I digress. I’m trying to fight suicide and trying to deal with a psychotic neighbor at all times…aaaannddd trying to deal with the lack of help from the doctor that I haven’t even gotten the chance to see yet. It’s fun.