To an old friend.

To an old friend.

Hey.

I know we haven’t seen each other, or even talked in a long time…but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I want you to know that I miss you. Not like “I regret what happened” or even “I want to see you again”. Just..”I miss you.” Full stop.

It’s strange to think that someone I used to know so well is now a total stranger…that I sometimes go entire days without thinking of you even a little bit. Most of the time, I let myself forget, because I know it’s easier. But then I find something…an old letter, an old gift, a drawing on the front page of that sketchbook you gave me…and the full weight of what’s been lost comes crashing down on me, but it isn’t regret. We had reasons for ending it, and they’re as valid as ever, but back at the start we didn’t need reasons for anything. It all just happened. We didn’t have common interests, or similar goals. We didn’t even get along that well. But we didn’t need a reason to fall in love. We just did. The reasons came at the end, and everything that’s happened since has been all about reasons, and that’s good. It means one day I might find someone I won’t have to say goodbye to.

I guess what I’m saying is, I hope things are good with you. I hope everything is great. I hope you found a love that’s all the things ours couldn’t be, and I hope i find that too.

But a small part of me hopes that you still remember what it was like before all the reasons…

…and that you miss me too.

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Night

We may be miles away from each other but we still spend our nights together. I see you nearly every night, for hours and hours we talk. Making one another smile and laugh. Getting to see your face and hear your voice almost every night is absolutely wonderful. Seeing you helps me sleep. It makes me feel comfortable. Hearing your voice makes me smile and calms me. I dream of you nearly every night. I could only think of one thing to make it better. If I could hold you in my arms and fall asleep with you. To wake up and see you in the morning. 

I spend most of my days looking forward to seeing you at night. 

At least

Knowing she is happy makes me sad and happy at the same time. Sad because it’s not me making her happy, and happy because I love her enough to want her to be happy. 

And trust me, I want her to be so happy.

I will not let the sadness overwhelm me. I will be happy for her and I will continue to be her friend.

I at least want to be her friend.