We’re all walking around with these glossy eyes. “I’m just tired”, we say. But you know what? It’s bullshit. Yes, we are tired, but it’s not all from lack of sleep. We are tired of waking up with nothing to look forward to, tired of going to bed exhausted after doing a million things we find no enjoyment in doing. We’re tired of this void of the loneliness that presses down on us even though we’re surrounded by dozens of people. So why can’t we just say it? Humans are so afraid to look into each others eyes and say “I am unhappy, I am broken, I am hopeless and fallible.” We’ve been conditioned to associate pain with weakness, sadness with coldness, loneliness with unworthiness, difference with disease, as if these feelings are contagious, as if ambivalence is something not to be felt but to be feared. Well, I say screw all of that. Screw forced smiles and polite handshakes and “I’m fine, thank you”s. Screw the fear of crying in a public place, screw the fake chipper voice, screw the lies we spit out to cover up our problems. We are humans. We are meant to feel. To feel everything and to feel it openly. We are not mental, we are flesh and bone. Our boiled blood courses through our cold, clammy hands. We are intricate and beautiful and we should never hide our human parts, because if we do, then what’s left so show?
There was a point in my life that I didn’t know who I was, who I wanted to be, or where I wanted to be. I was lost. I was just wandering, looking for anything that made me happy and trying to stay with that one thing, or telling myself that I would do something, and never doing it. I’m not out of those woods yet. Although, I am much closer than I used to be. For the most part, that part of my life is dead and gone. None of it bothers me anymore. There is however, one part that is very much alive, and very much gets to me when I allow it to; and that is the biggest, only living tree. That tree is on the back of my arm. I tried to put it behind me, but even though I cannot see it at all times, does not mean that it isn’t always there…that it still isn’t a part of me. These trees, these woods, represent that time the I felt lost. It reminds me that the worst and yet…the best..part of my life is over. It’s gone and dead. The birds represent life, those were some very dark times for me. They can also show escape and moving forwards. They are flying out of the woods, leaving it behind them.
At first this was just a cool tattoo and I wanted it because “It was cool”. I see now the bigger picture. I see how much it actually relates to a specific part of my life. That’s the story behind my tattoo. Even though it took me a little bit to realize it.